Ending a Future and Finding Another

What January consisted of for me.

To say January was unproductive isn't quite covering all the problems I've had last month. Preparing my story for a month before and then trying to write up several new story ideas when my first failed made it very clear that my NaNoWriMo was a disastrous failure. It seemed no matter what I wrote I had no connection to it and it didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything. At week three I tossed the pencil across the room, threw my hands up in the air, and promptly gave up on the whole venture deciding to relax for a little while instead.

Problem was I couldn't really relax. It was becoming clear that I wasn't comfortable with writing regularly. Writing was something I wanted to make a career out of and it still potentially is. My inability to have any creativity made me ask myself constantly, "What is wrong with you?"

The answer was a mix of several things. One, I'm in the middle of a depression which can make writer's block feel like a real life hell. The self loathing that comes with not accomplishing your own goals makes you not want to get out of bed and to consequently bury your head in the sand so you don't have to deal with the rest of the world and it's expectations. The second was that I've been thrown (by my own will) into a creative business that I haven't really tried my hand at before. Honestly I never took a journalism course outside of high school. And when I did take that course all I did was make poorly drawn Microsoft Paint comics for the school newspaper; a far cry from professional editorials of any sort. Thirdly, I have begun to wonder if my college degree was really what I should have been pursuing for five years with the constant feelings of unsteadiness that I've been dealing with.

This mess of facts and questions lead to a perfect storm of personal turmoil that I'm working on getting my butt out of. I will always like writing and will probably continue this blog (2-3 days a week instead of daily.) However, it has become plain to me that I need to stabilize my future by setting up some goals. The first of which will include me going back to college while I still can. My father works at a university, so I get nine credits free a semester at my school. I may return to professional editing and writing again later on in life, but for now I want to explore other opportunities. 

I'll start writing for fun on the sides when my Musa Internship is over and keep my skills sharp in any way I can. I'm still artistic at heart, but when it comes to perfectionism in this field I know I'm lacking. Thus, I think as a growing writer I will relegate my writing to a page a day (for fun).

Depression is an ugly thing, but clearing up your future plans definitely helps with making life feel better. Exercise, a schedule, and accomplishing tasks seem to be factors that help dissipate my lethargy and irritability. However, knowing how many expectations I can have of myself is key too. Making too many goals only makes my problems worse, thus the drop in the number of blog posts I will be doing. For now I'll trudge on and look forward to the days yet to come.

What Do You Do When You Feel Your Muse Has Died?

This is Ken, and this is his blog
which I will read at a later date.

I'll start off by saying four days into my personal nanowrimo and I'm already hitting the nail on the coffin head. I didn't type at all yesterday and right this very moment I would like nothing more than to crawl into bed and go to sleep. It's technically Saturday (even though I'm still counting it as Friday night) and I've yet to break the first 1,612 words that I needed for the first day. This however is something I'm going to need to work through. I'm keeping today's post brief so that I can devote a little more time to my project, but I thought I'd leave you lovely readers with a link to the blog that inspired me to keep trudging through the mud. To keep writing despite the fact that I feel a little disconnected to my own story line right now.

While I work for Penumbra EMag I often truly find inspiration on their blog. The post WRITE MORE: by Ken Liu tells aspiring writers a simple message to, "write more." It may be easier said then done, but experience is the giver of wisdom and I am certain this seasoned writer knows what he's saying.

Happy Writings!