So today was a deadline at Penumbra. To say I'm tired doesn't quite cover it, yesterday I described to my boyfriend that my hands felt like they were attached to lead weights. He said I should try that and really see what it felt like. Writing takes my energy, my eyes burn from staring at the computer screen, my bones ache, and my brain feels like it's fried at the end of the day.
I still love the exercise of it. I like the expression it allows, and the feeling at the end of the day of some accomplishment when hitting the pillow. Still it's nice to know that after tonight I'll have a little relief. Tonight I'll watch a few episodes of Sex and the City with my mother. It's the first time I've watched it, and I have to say I like Carrie's style. Carrie is perhaps what I strive to be. A little less risque perhaps, but definitely the kind of fun analysis of life that I want to achieve. The humor I always feel I'm a step or two away from.
I proposed a column today, and I'm crossing my fingers it will be accepted. It was turned down the first time. Understandably so, looking back at it now I felt it was an atrocious mess. This time though I think I've got it. It may not be 100% of what it needs to be. But this time I feel I've captured some sort of essence I was reaching for. Still that little demon of uncertainty is whispering terrible things in my ear. So we'll see if it goes anywhere.
So, those are my hopes for this first deadline. I'm certain I'll have many more of them in the future! I'm going to leave them on this page tonight and wind down for the evening. Snuggle into my raggedy burgundy throw and be entertained by other great minds.