Sometimes when you sit alone in a quiet house you hear the little creeks in the wood and think maybe it's whispering to you. The television, books, radio, and computer may help you to forget you're alone, but when you look away from your choice of distraction you realize that you are. That there is no one there.
I've found in the past that I'm more productive when I'm alone. However, that has often been after a day full of seeing nothing but people. The constant feeling that I must rush to finish what needs to be done haunts me as I fill my day with friends and family. When I am truly alone and left to my own devices I find I am more selfish. Procrastination becomes a partner. Today I was alone and sadly I made no progress towards my future.
I watched several episodes of American Horror Story on Netflix and cuddled into my warm red blanket. I read chapters from A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin. I neglected to finish what little work I had left as I gave myself over to the little comforts of entertainment.
Tonight (technically this morning) I'll finish my work. It took all my strength just to start up again. No one is here to remind me that time is passing and so I take it at my own pace, occasionally looking back and realizing time was following me all along. However, I feed into my own farce, turn around and continue to waste the time I should have used on other projects instead of my own amusement.
I did check out the SFWA or Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. Becoming a member is something I should try to do. If nothing else trying to attain membership will help me improve my writing. They also have a nice site to help writers navigate their way through the publishing system. Their blog Writer Beware is another source that is nice for writers new to the industry like myself.
These little finds aside, I am in need of a rebirth of sorts. I need to burn out my old bad habits and become the person I want to be. The focused editor, writer, and reader whose voice can help those around me, whose mind can help herself. I want to burn some of the tiredness out of my veins. I was almost successful a couple weeks ago. I need exercise. I need to wake up early. I need to eat vegetables. I need to breathe healthful habits into my life. I need to rekindle the ambition in my heart and find within me the girl who took on the world and didn't dread the sun's call to morning. I need to forge a path for myself.
To start I need to get back to work both in the house and for Musa. This day of distraction is wreaking havoc on my mind and I'm so close to the finish line for my project. This little post has been my match now I'll have to monitor myself before the flame of achievement goes out.