Can You Love What Drives You Crazy?

I'm certain we've all been here at some point.

The easy answer to this question is yes, yes you can. All those little flaws that make you want to deck your brother or sister, slap your lover, or tear the page out of a good book may seem like pure hatred, but the truth is it comes as part of the mental package. The flaws that drive you crazy do so for a reason, and often those reasons are nearest and dearest to your heart. I know there are things that I do which I will never understand. Procrastination for one. They make me want to tear my own hair out almost as much as watching people destroy themselves or each other out of selfish wants and needs. The world is a messy place and it's more than just bodily problems. We make "drama," add to our emotional problems, and do down right crazy things for those we know and ourselves.

Let's face it, no one is a saint. We try, we really do, but at the end of the day we are only human.

Some of the best stories I've read involved characters who felt just in what they were doing, and I almost loved them as much as I hated them. They were ruining or thwarting my favorite character's efforts in a way that seemed downright dastardly. Thing is, stuff like this happens in our every day lives all the time. Some girl stole your best friend's boyfriend and mercilessly flaunted the fact to her face. Your grandparent got robbed by some kid who was just trying to make it into a gang. Your school rival got the job you had been trying to get for the past five years and it was only because he or she was flirting with the boss to get it. Crazy crap happens and it's all around you. The key is writing about some of that stuff when you are angry or peeved. Capturing the thoughts of that moment are so revealing about what is happening to a person in a rage. Then, after some time trying to see what you have written in another light. I, for one, had a moment like that tonight.

There's nothing like experiencing a bit of my own stupidity. Even now I'm shaking my head wondering how in the heck I managed to miss that tomorrow was New Year's Eve. Time flew right past my brain and made me think it was next week, not tomorrow. Somehow, I managed to believe that December deserved another week of existence for 2012. There was so much I was going to get done in that extra week too! I wanted a certain project for Musa done by tomorrow and was supposed to be working on my notes for my 50,000 words in January. That has all been reduced to one day's work and as luck would have it the road will have a couple hours of my attention (again.) I'm seething and have no one to blame for myself. Sometime in the future, I'm certain I'll look back at this and laugh. Who knows I may even be glad I was late because of some of the inspiration I got from the film adaption of Les Miserables tonight!

I'm definitely hitting a learning curve. Now, I have some work to do! Happy Writings to all of you and may it be an outlet for all those moments in your life you feel the steam pouring out of your ears.

How Do You Make Holiday Deadlines Fun?

The most beautiful thing to this writer on a deadline!

So, I've come to the conclusion holidays and work should never mix. Ever. Then again, if I had my way, there would be no Penumbra in November and December. Readers would be very sad to have to live without their speculative fiction. That and they may demand to have their money returned to them. Something I'm certain my boss would not be pleased to hear.

I have far too much fun visiting family and kibitzing with friends around a table full of warm seasonal drinks. I enjoy hugging my sisters and scratching the ears of my old dogs as we discuss favorite foods, funny stories, and cute quirks. I also enjoy the prospect of ending my day without having to write, though this box of chocolates I'm gnawing on is making the whole experience much more marvelous.

Tomorrow one of my blogs for Penumbra is due. It will be an easy thing to write, but it is not my ideal of fun at the moment. I will just have to motivate myself with some music or continue to down copious amounts of sugar until I can't help but smile. I'll work on it tonight and edit it tomorrow before I send it in for posting. I won't have "bellow" instead of "below" this time. I don't think I could take the humiliation if I did.

My writer's block left me on the drive north today and I quickly wrote two pen and paper pages of notes for God Syndrome. I'm not wholly satisfied with it at the moment, but at least I got my grey matter into functioning order again. Next week I start the plot mountain for the book; I was surprised to find myself excited about the prospect of moving forward with it.

I'm exercising regularly now, so I'm sure just a few more pounds of chocolate will get me through the rest of the holiday season.

Have a Merry Christmas this weekend. Happy Kwanza. I hope your Hanukkahs went well. And for all the Pastafarians happy Holiday. Good will to all!

Happy Writings.

Small Gifts

Yesterday I achieved my first written page. Today I will continue on, though I may be feeling a little levity and the thankful holiday spirit. 

I got to hear from my uncle for the second time in my life. He's German and the language barrier is a little hard to bridge, so having my mother there helped. He called us on Thanksgiving to share some bad news. So the reunion was a bit tainted. He told us that my Oma, or grandma in German, died sometime between 2008-09. She had dementia and was hard to keep track of a continent away. 

I have very few memories of my Oma, I was very young the last time I saw her. It was Christmas and she was visiting, as she did every year. This year I showed her the completed 3D castle puzzle that she had gotten me the year before. I remember being very proud of that puzzle. I remember her gray and white hair and loving it. She didn't speak any English, only German, so I don't remember anything she said to me, but I do remember her smiles. So her passing, sad as it is to say, did not affect me as it probably should have. My only problem is that we did not try to find her earlier. That I did not try, still, about the time I was thinking about looking for her, she had already passed.

So in remembering the little things and hearing from my uncle again I can be thankful for this day. I can be thankful for the family that received me at my mother's (step-mother's). It was a reminder of all the good family can bring to the soul.

I saw my sister's today; who though ten and twelve years younger than me are now taller than I am. After having not seen them in a month I realized how quickly they grow and was thankful I had the opportunity to see them. 

Life is such an interesting plethora of events, often taking place on the same day. Something that effects me one way, effects others differently. Thanksgiving is a holiday that requires us in some ways to reflect on what we are grateful for. I am grateful for my family however broken it is. It is filled with complexities I can appreciate and can only hope to emulate in a story. It is the intricate pieces that really bring life to the people we know. It's not all sunshine and rainbows and it's not all doom and gloom. I am thankful for this life, and all the small gifts that come with it. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!